i try not to sound like an asshole but it’s really hard because i am an asshole
(Source: deluminator, via jesuschristvevo)
do you think if i die now i’ll have enough time to be reincarnated as kim kardashians baby
(via jesuschristvevo)
i’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more.. i don’t even know where Sandwiches live
(Source: dylanobylan, via jesuschristvevo)
my Son (places hand on your shoulder) (places other hand on your shoulder) (places hand on your head) (places other hand on your head) (places hand on your hip) (places other hand on your hip) eh macarena
(via jesuschristvevo)
if you’re ever trying to sleep and can’t it’s probably because I have a voodoo doll of you and I’m farting on it
(via jesuschristvevo)
ahhhhhhhaha I cannot stop laughing omg
i’d like to formally apologize to anyone i’ve disappointed with my terrible friendship skills
(Source: shotacuffs, via satisfyyoursoulandtakeflight)
*uses snapchat text bar to cover double chin*
(via fluorescentvanilla)
"Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions." - Will Smith (via beefysquirrelz)
(Source: stxxz, via theyellowbrickroad)
Can’t tell I I wanna cry or laugh but everything is so funny rn but not in a humorous way BUT IN A FKD UP WAY LLLLOOOLLLL
“ooooohhh” i say as i still dont understand
(via theyellowbrickroad)
- me at school:omg when i get home i've got to do loads of shit like finish that project and read that book omg i need to review for that test too omg so much to do
- me at home:
